I can not only remember these times in my life, I can see, feel and still engage with them because as I traveled through the dry and weary deserts of my life, I worked up such a hunger and thirst for God. That hunger and thirst for God I would not trade for anything else.
Growing up in a physically abusive home, it sounds strange to people who ask me if I had to do it all over again, would I pray for a different home or different parents, because I always say that I would do my exact life all over again. I would not trade in my relationship with God for anything anyone could give me. Who I am in God today is exactly what I want, and for the most part, I thank my dry and weary deserts.
My favorite song as an older teen was, “As the deer pants for water, so my soul longs for thee’. I still remember the time when we were in church and no English word could possible express the incredible thirst for worship I wanted to offer God that morning. So He filled me with His Holy Spirit and gave me a new language to express my love for Him.
So I enter church today with my eyes open, drinking in God’s strength and glory as He comes to take part our celebration of who He is. We are experiencing His generous love and my lips brim praises just like a fountain. Every breath I take is a blessing towards God and yes, to my Baptist friends whom I love and adore and who can only dream of freedom in worship, I not only raise my hands, but I wave them like banners of praise to my God and my Lord.
If I find I cannot sleep at night, I spend the hours in grateful reflection. God has always been there for me. Yes, there were tons of tears shed, too many moments where I thought God had left me, but He never did.
I hold on to Him for dear life and He holds me steady as a post.