God created me with some hypersensitive issues. When I walk this road that God has charted for me, I have to know, feel, and comprehend His presence throughout the day – in many ways I feel starved for attention.
I am thankful that He has been my go-to-person to meet those needs. I am thankful because of have met others who wait until the end of the day to turn to Him and in the process have found more hurt, more pain, and more unmet expectations.
Recalling my tears as a child at night could only explain how I felt on the inside – black and blue from the physical and emotional abuse of my father. I remember that God never answered any of my specific prayers – but He was there with me, healing me, strengthening me, allowing me to understand He was there and this all served a purpose at the end of the day. My job was simple enough – love Him with all my heart, soul, mind and strength.
Moments of thought and action towards suicide were just that – moments. His voice would come through loud and clear – if you killed yourself, who would give testimony to my faithfulness – you are missed in my choir if buried in some tomb.
His voice would cause the enemy to flee and I would be filled with Him for another day to tell the story of how evil disappears at His presence and how much I loved being loved by Him.